My son, Sawyer (see "Adventures of Tom Sawyer", not "Lost", arrgh), was born several months ago and recently I found myself experiencing nostalgia for things out of my past. I went on a purchasing frenzy for old movies that affected me back in the day (only widescreen of course), I sought out hard cover copies of books that I have not read in years, I picked up an old phonograph from a colleague at work (say it with me - phonograph) and bought a bunch of lp's (bowie, bauhaus, jazz, and some smiths, among others). Now I normally don't need an excuse to buy shite for myself but this was different. I felt driven. I felt a deep need for these things.
After paying my Visa bill, I had to wonder what the hell I was doing buying all this stuff. It struck me; I was archiving the various influences that had made me who I am today. I was subconciously trying to accumulate all the books I had read, and all the movies I had seen that had affected me in one way or another. But to what purpose? It dawned on me... I wanted to try and ensure that my son would be exposed to some of the very media that had formed my various beliefs. I wanted to make my son a clone of me (see "Boys from Brazil") by making available all source material.
Now I don't really want a clone of myself (would you?) but the idea of fostering some similar interests with my son underscores my feelings of distance from my own father (the Silent One). Not that our relationship is bad, just -- perfunctory. It seems so easy now to interact with Sawyer, I dread the day that I can't have a conversation with my son. May it never arrive.
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